Dear Mom

Dear Mom:

Today marks the 11th year of you being gone from this life, Mom and it pains my heart just like it did the day you left.  It seems just like yesterday that we were holding you and watched you slip away to finally be at peace.  The sun was shining a little brighter through the room as you took your flight up to heaven. (I know you stopped at the Moon first like we talked about)   It's hard to believe that I have even survived this long without you by my side.  It's even harder to fathom that Tayler, Ryan and Brayden (and all the other kids) have not had the opportunity to get to know YOU....The grandest of all ladies!   You had the heart of gold and was always concerned of others.  You had a smile that would light up a room along with eyes that would sparkle even when you were in extreme pain.  (What an inspiration and strong lady you were)    You had a great sense of humor and was a silly lady and beyond beautiful.  You loved your grandkids more than they will ever be able to comprehend. (Your Little People)   You loved camping and having family BBQ's and truly loved going to Wendover with your best friend and sister Joyce.  You were the glue to our family and the family has kind of grown apart since you have been gone.  My promise to you, Mom, is that I will make an effort to get our family together more and enjoy those special moments that you loved so much. I miss your smell and your smile and rubbing your feet with lotion and combing through your hair.  (I con the kids into rubbing mine as often as I can get away with it...and I am always thinking of you)    I miss your funny sounds you would make when you drank a Big Gulp or a Slurpee.  I miss our donut cravings together (although I still have those all the time)  I miss eating microwave popcorn together (I eat that all the time too)   and I miss you getting excited over the Utah Jazz games.  I snuggle with your pillow every single night!  I have to admit that Wendover has never been the same for me since you have been gone, but I promise to go this year and hope for a "Jackpot Party" or the "Squirting Pig" or the "Pooper" and I will feel your presence there, because I know you will be with me.
But as I sit here and reflect on your life and mine, I realize that I haven't made it 11 years without you.  You have been with me all along and will continue to be until the day I fly up to the Moon and meet you again.  I look forward to the day that I can see you again.  YOU are my inspiration in life.  I can only hope to be half the woman you were but I will die trying.  I will continue to be the compassionate woman that you were and I hope that I make you proud!  I love you Momma.

I Miss You Dearly. 

I will see you on OUR  moon, when I am done here!

I love you forever

Your Cindy

PS...Tell Granny Hi for Me!!  xoxo

PSS....I just called to say I LOVE YOU! 

Time To Heal....

What do I miss about my Charlyboy?  I miss seeing you sprawled out allover the floor.  I miss you jumping up everytime I open the back door or hearing you wake up in your kennel the second I turned the alarm off.  My morning routine is not the same without you here.  I miss seeing you run at 100 miles per hour in the back yard when you would get excited.   I miss seeing you slide across the wood floor and about hit the wall when you came barrelling inside the back door.   I miss seeing you chew on your bone and ball and roll allover the grass.  Mowing the lawn just plain SUCKS without you walking with me.  I miss you stalking me whenever you hear the package of meat open ....just waiting for me to "accidentally" drop a piece on the floor. I miss how you just KNEW when I went to the cupboard and grabbed a can of tuna fish...you KNEW it was for you.  I miss laying on the floor with a treat in my hand and you attacking my hands trying to get it out.  Even tho it was all slobbery...I miss that.  I miss hearing the kids laugh....because of something you would do.  I miss running around the island in the kitchen and you chasing me or the kids.  Remember Charly you were NOT a puppy.  You were an 82 pound boy.  It sounded like a herd of Elephants running around the room...but it was aways fun.  I miss you pulling me around the neighborhood and I am sorry I didn't walk you more.  I miss when you would lay down on the floor and look up at us with your dark brown eyes....and not move your head.  It was adorable.  I will forever miss sharing my popcorn with you....sometimes via our mouth....and  you would always take it from my mouth gently. I have yet to have a morsel of popcorn since you've been gone. I honestly don't know if I can!   I miss your goofy expressions when I would pretend to throw you the bone....sometimes you were a space cadet and couldn't find it anywhere!  I miss you putting your head on the couch or nudging my arm or dropping your ball on my lap.  I miss you sitting at my feet at dinner time and begging for food.  Christmas, Easter and Halloween will never be the same without you Charles.  I will forever carve a pumpkin for you.  I will make sure your Easter Egg is colored and basket placed out and I will make sure Santa brings you a bone and I will donate it in your honor to a lonely dog.  My heart hurts for you daily.  My eyes won't dry for you anytime soon.  I'm sorry you suffered for so long and I wish I could have made you better.  I love you dear boy and miss you more than you will ever know or more than words could ever express.  I won't miss seeing you suffer each day and I am thankful I got to hold you in my arms when you feel asleep and was finally at peace.  I have noticed the signs you have sent from Heaven and I have appreciated every single one of them.  You know how much I need those!!!!   I look forward to many more. I love you son.  We all miss you dearly!  Forever...Mom

SMILE! Even if you don't want to!!!

Sometimes in life you meet people who no matter what, will find fault in someone or something or EVERYTHING.  It's so easy to judge that person as being mean or just plain ungreatful.  It's really easy to judge and assume.    But if you step back and take the time to really assess their situation, you will most likely find that this person is hurting in some way in their life.  They are either in extreme pain physically or mentally or both.  I can say this without reservation because I can stand back and not only see how I act when I am in extreme pain but also I witness it from others on a daily basis.  When someone is in any kind of pain, it affects their behavior.  Some people will just crawl in a hole and distance themselves from other people.  Others will act rudely and lash out at other people.  Some will do both.  Most of the time, they don't even realize they are being that way.  I know a great old lady who is genuinely a sweet lady.  She has been through ALOT in life and I don't even know the half of what she has been through.  She complains alot.  She is mean alot.  She finds fault in alot of people.  BUT I know this lady is in alot of pain both physically and mentally.  She IS NOT trying to be the way she is.  This is just the way she expresses her pain.  Sometimes it gets very frustrating to listen to the way she behaves.  Sometimes you want to stand back and say "Can't you be a little more appreciative???"  I really try daily to have compassion for her and try and divert the way she is acting to a more positive way.  While acknowledging that her feelings are HER feelings, I try and give her a different perspective on the way SHE is seeing things.  Today, I asked her where her smile was.  She told me she was too mad and tired to smile. I tried to make a joke about something dumb and within a minute she was smiling and even laughing with someone at her table!  SHE DIDN'T WANT TO SMILE.  She didn't!!!!!  But I knew it would make her feel better about life in general if she did.  The main thing I want anyone that reads this to get in my ramblings is...Please do not judge.  Please take time to care.  Please bring back some compassion in life.  I think this is the key to a successful society and I know in my own life that it brings me much joy to care.  I'm certainly not perfect and I have ALOT to change and fix in my own life.  But I am trying to take my own advice.  Even if they are being a pain in the you know what...care and you will feel MUCH enjoyment in your life.  I felt wonderful when I saw her smiling today!  W~ I know you are in much pain.  I hope you know that you have a whole team of people who do care about you and who do love you very much.  I wish for you to find happiness in your days ahead!  So, my message today.  Smile...even if you don't want to.  You will feel better ...even if it's just for a second!  :)

Little Things

I have met some very wonderful people in my life and been blessed to have gotten to know some pretty amazing Seniors these past couple years.  I won't ever use real names for privacy but this particular guy was an amazing old man.  He loved to wear a hat daily and always no matter what, had a smile.  He was a big guy by nature and had a heart of gold to match.  He couldn't ever say much.  But he appreciated the little things every day.  This poem I wrote for him a few weeks before he passed!  Today, take some time to appreciate something you may take for granted.  :)

L~  Gone...but not forgotten:

                                                                  

Little Things

It's the little things, sir

That makes a difference in one's day

It's not how cute our clothes are

Or how much money that we've made

It's the smile that you gave me

Today while you ate your meal

It's the way that you said Thank You

That makes my life feel real

It's the little things, sir

That matters most, you see

I am thankful for YOU, my friend

for sharing your time with me!

By: Cindy Beiser 2-14-10

Being Thankful!!!!

As I sit back and think about how Thankful  I am for all the gifts in my life, it brings tears to my eyes.  I have been very blessed all my life.  Not for the “things” that I have but for the “people” that have I have been able to share it with.    A lot of times, I take knowing that these people will always be here for granted.  I was talking to a great friend of mine during a early morning walk a few weeks back and we were talking about being “present” in our interactions with people.  I have always wanted to spend time with my children or family but I haven’t always been present in the moment.  Just “being there” I always considered that I was doing things right.  But in all actuality, I wasn’t “there” a lot of the times.  I’m talking about putting down the phone, getting off the computer, shutting off the TV and really being present in the moment.  It sounds like such a simple concept but if you really think about it with our busy daily lives, being PRESENT is really not that easy of a thing to do.  BUT, it can be worked on daily. Giving the acknowledgement and time to my people is definitely something I want to work on.  Today I celebrate one of my bestest friends in the world.  B~ and I had a period of time where we would take for granted the fact that we would always have tomorrow.  During this time a lot of our plans we made we both canceled on and we got to the point that we were never really making the effort to connect in person.  Over the past few months we BOTH have realized that we don’t have to make a big production and spend a lot of money to get together.  It’s as simple as meeting in the morning for coffee and fruit.  Getting together for a fun morning walk or WHATEVER.  Enjoying life does not have to cost money or be a big production.  I am so thankful for our special times we have shared in life and I am very thankful for our fun Birthday walk this morning and yummmmmy Breakfast.  (although IHOP always makes me sick afterwards L  Brooke…my Pup….Happy Birthday to you.  Here is to 20+ years of friendship and I cannot wait to sit grey-haired and wrinkled with you on our front porches!  Today, I am THANKFUL FOR YOU!!!  xoxox

Healing Hearts

It's a simple concept really!  We ALL have the power to heal someone.  It's a simple act of compassion shown through a simple act of kindness.  You can make a difference in someones life every single day.  All it takes is making the effort to show you have kindness.  I am not talking about donating 10 on your phone.  Although donations are IMPORTANT.  I am talking about things you can do without even opening up your wallet.  Making eye contact with someone.  Asking someone if they are OK.  Holding a Seniors hand and asking them if they need a drink of water.  I had someone tell me the other day.  "I'ts sure a good thing you are here, YOU are the only one that really cares!".  Although I don't think that was a true statement, SHE felt this and I had made a difference in her life that day.  That made my heart sing!  It made me forget about any of the trials that I am going through!  I am going through trials!  Making someone else feel special gets me through these daily! I am thankful!